


the seasons change (and so do we)

by catboyzeph



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Era, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, College, During Canon, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Haikyuu - Freeform, Insecurity, Light Angst, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Pre-Canon, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Timeskip, i think i was projecting intensely, it's about the yearning, kuroo selfish but in a good way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:40:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27601537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catboyzeph/pseuds/catboyzeph
Summary: Kuroo is awfully selfish and Kenma has been in love with him since they were kids.ORWhere the seasons change, Kenma learns how to stand for himself, and Kuroo takes the long way round to finding out that there's no one else that he would rather have at Kenma's side but himself.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kuroo Tetsurou/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 57





	the seasons change (and so do we)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ilychuuya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilychuuya/gifts).



> Hey! It's me, the author (duh WHJRKOS WHO ELSE WOULD IT BE), I hope you enjoy this story as much as I loved writing it, this was such a personal story for me as I fell into a depressive episode halfway through writing it, and when I came out of it, it was such a struggle to pick this up again. It took me months to finish it and I'm so glad I had the support of my favorite people to help me see it through. Well I'll leave you to it and I'll talk to you again at the end! 
> 
> Without further ado, the seasons change (and so do we).

“Stop it Kuroo,” Kenma muttered, flustered. “No, I’m serious Kenma! I’m not joking, it looks good on you!“ Kuroo insisted with such earnesty that it sent Kenma’s heart fluttering frantically.

“They had gotten caught in the rain- It was Kuroo’s fault, really. He wanted to go to the science fair in Atami, because “they’ll be selling interesting things, Kenma! There’s a limited edition rock cleaner and it comes with a whole load of rocks so we don’t have to find our own-”

Kenma had tuned out, honestly. He did love Kuroo; but he just couldn’t see the appeal in buying some dumb, overpriced rock cleaner. He wanted to turn Kuroo down, he really did, but Kuroo had latched onto his waist as he promised he’d treat Kenma to ice cream.

As Kuroo clung onto his waist, staring up at him with pleading eyes; Kenma’s heart pounded painfully in his chest. When you’re twelve and maybe (just maybe) have a crush on your best friend, who’s hugging you with an offer of ice cream as if it were some date proposal- Well, it was almost impossible to decline.

Kuroo tugged on his sleeve and whispered out a “pretty please Kenma?” And his breath was warm as it fanned out against Kenma’s body and Kenma, Kenma was already gone.

And then, on their ‘date’, it started raining. Though, to say ‘raining’ would be an understatement- the rain was almost torrential, it clogged the sewage system causing the streets to flood. Stupid Kuroo had lost his grip on one of his science toys as they ran to find shelter, and the idiot didn’t even notice!

Kenma knew Kuroo would be distraught when he realised he’d lost one of the things he’d worked so hard to save up for, so against his better instincts, he darted back out onto the street for it, already soaked.

Unfortunately, he didn’t see the car.

The car zoomed past him just as he leaned down to pick it up, sending a spray of water right into his face and if Kenma wasn’t soaked before, he definitely was now. He yowled like a cat, falling back onto the pavement in surprise. It was uncomfortable, his hair was hanging around his face in clumps, making him look like some kind of ghost, clothes sticking to him like a second skin.

“Kenma!” Kuroo had cried, running to him, Kenma noted that he left his purchases safe in the shelter of the tea shop. He pulled Kenma up with ease, he was much shorter and skinnier compared to Kuroo. He led him, still dazed into the shop, the shopkeeper making a horrible fuss.

“How can you let your pretty girlfriend get soaked like that?” She scolded, “and in this cold autumn weather!” She continued her scolding as she pulled out a towel from the back to dry him down. Kenma was about to protest, he wasn’t a girl and he was not Kuroo’s girlfriend.

Before he could open his mouth, Kuroo pinched the back of his thigh and whispered that there was a discount for couples. So Kenma shut his mouth, let the motherly shopkeeper dry him down and scold Kuroo for letting his pretty girlfriend get soaked on his behalf.

Kuroo played the part of a caring boyfriend well, laughing sheepishly and looking appropriately embarrassed. He even let out a “sorry Ken-chan, it won’t happen again I promise!” as he laced their fingers together. Kenma nodded, blushing, ‘it’s okay Kuroo,” he muttered out softly, trying to sound a little more feminine. “No, you’re still mad aren’t you? How can I make it up to you?”

That led to the current situation, he was wearing Kuroo’s sweater, worn-out and white. Kuroo had insisted, saying that “it would keep you warm.” And the second Kenma had given in and slipped it over his head, Kuroo refused to stop complimenting him incessantly. “Kuroo, really just stop it,” Kenma muttered, “I’m not pretty.”

Kuroo gave a look of wonderment and disbelief, “Kozume Kenma, you are the prettiest person I’ve met,” and before Kenma could even begin to protest, Kuroo beamed, “keep my sweater, it looks better on you.” Kenma felt like his heart was going slam through the fragile cage of his ribs, knock that stupid couple’s discount tea away and jump right into Kuroo’s hands, beg for warmth and love in the chilly fall weather.

That night as he lay in bed, the little rock cleaner grinding away in his bathroom—Kuroo had insisted he keep it, “you got all wet for me!” He had argued, before setting the grinder up in Kenma’s bathroom, pouring rocks and materials Kenma couldn’t even begin to understand in it. Kenma came to the horrible realisation that he liked Kuroo, a lot more than just best friends should. He pulled the covers over his head, he should have stayed home.

He woke up with a fever the next day.

* * *

High school was hell. Kenma hated how easily people would judge you based on your looks. Hated how he didn’t fit into the category considered attractive. Hated how it was so hard to stick close to Kuroo when Kuroo was everything he wasn’t.

He was smart and passionate in an effortless way that Kenma could never hope to be, he was loud, sociable, crookedly handsome and everything about Kuroo Tetsurou made Kenma’s heart flutter in his chest. Even his stupid dying hyena laugh sent his heart cartwheeling with endearment.

He could almost hear it pounding in his chest now, filling the room with its rapid beats.

_Bump._

_Ba-dump._

_Bump._

He wished he could freeze time, stay in this moment, Kuroo and him, lounging on his bed, watching Hideo Nakata’s ‘Ring’. Kenma snorted as Kuroo jumped as Sadako popped up on the screen. Kenma didn’t enjoy horror movies too much, they were repetitive and predictable, but Kuroo liked them, he couldn’t predict the jump scares the way Kenma could and he claimed they “gave him a thrill.”

So Kenma watched his horror movies with him because Kuroo wanted to do it. Just like horror movies, Kenma thought to himself, he was horribly repetitive and predictable, he just did the things Kuroo wanted them to do.

Over and over.

Rinse and repeat.

He pulled Kuroo’s sweater around him a little tighter, shivering a bit, Kuroo liked the AC freezing at full blast, while Kenma usually had it just cool enough so that he’d be comfortable. 

“Hey, you cold?” Kuroo asked, eyes never leaving the screen. 

“You think? It’s like an arctic tundra in here,” Kenma huffed. “Awww is the kitten cold?” Kuroo cooed, making grabby motions at him. Kenma made a face, slapping Kuroo’s hands away from his face in annoyance. 

“Eh come here Kenma we can cuddle if you’re cold,” ignoring Kenma’s grumbles of resistance, Kuroo pulled him in closer, tucking the blanket around them. Kenma’s breath hitched as Kuroo’s arms reached around him to tuck the blanket under him.

“I’m not a baby Kuroo,” he muttered, trying to distract himself from the smell of Kuroo that was now all too overwhelmingly close. Kuroo’s skin smelt like the topical rosemary used to relieve muscle aches, his skin also smelt like the 700-yen jasmine body wash he got from the shop down the road and his hair, faintly of ginger shampoo that he claimed “was good for hair growth.”

Kenma could breathe in Kuroo’s mess-of-herbs smell all day.

“Mmph I’m tired I’m gonna sleep,” Kenma muttered, turning to face the other way, hoping to hide the red of his cheeks and the harrowing rhythm his heart played. “Hey Kenma?” Kuroo spoke aloud. Kenma could feel Kuroo’s gaze on him, soft and full of friendly affection. 

“Yeah?”

“You look good in my sweaters, better than I do.”

“You always say that Kuroo.”

“Yeah cause it’s true.”

“If you stopped giving me your sweaters then I’d stop looking better in them, idiot.”

“But Ken-chan!” Kuroo’s voice took on that teasing tone, “I have to make up for letting my pretty girlfriend get wet in the rain for me!”

Kenma paused, his heart aching because god, it was always a joke with Kuroo, and Kuroo didn’t even know how much it hurt. Finally, he managed to open his mouth, barely managing to spit out a “shut up Kuroo” before that ugly hyena laugh that Kenma loved so much was echoing around the room.

* * *

It wasn’t that Kenma hated Yamamoto Taketora, it was just that he really wished the boy would cut him a break. He was always asking questions, so many questions. Questions that Kenma didn’t really know how to answer, questions like why he kept his hair so long like a ghost from a horror movie.

“Kenma why do you keep it so long? Seriously you look like Sadako.”

What was he supposed to do? Tell him “oh yeah I actually keep my hair long for two reasons, the first and foremost is that I have crippling anxiety and having a wide field of vision makes me want to puke! Oh, and the second reason is that I’m actually in love with my best friend and he likes long-haired girls so I’m trying to embody that in hopes that he’ll like me back or give me some form of attention!”

He settled for an “I like it this way.”

Kuroo came to his class during lunch, a small smile on his face, ‘Hey Kenma!” He called with a smile. What was he so happy for? Kenma wondered. ‘You have my sweater right?” The older boy looked excited; he couldn’t keep his smile off his face. Kenma nodded slowly, a little confused, Kuroo never really asked about his sweaters.

“Can I have it back?”

The world stopped.

Kuroo had never asked Kenma to return his sweater. Never.

But instead of asking him why and showing his distress, Kenma pulled the sweater out of his bag. He gripped it a little tighter before he handed it over. Kuroo’s sweater was soft and worn. All his sweaters were.

“Thanks Kenma!” Kuroo bolted out, running like his life depended on it. 

Well, that was weird.

It doesn’t mean anything Kenma, he thought to himself, trying to stop his hand from shaking as he pulled out his work for the next lesson. He could ask Kuroo to explain it after school. It would be fine, he would be fine, they would be fine.

* * *

Things were not fine. He had been waiting for Kuroo at the park for an hour now. Taketora had decided to tag along today, after he found out Kenma had the latest version of The Legend of Zelda, Kenma allowed it, he needed a gaming buddy and Kuroo kind of sucked at Zelda. The boy with the buzzcut was growing restless, fidgeting in his seat next to Kenma. 

He let out a deep sigh, breath fogging up in the cold air.

“Ke-en-maaaa - san,” Taketora whined, “where is Kuroo-san? We’ve been waiting for an hour now!” Kenma shrugged, his expression flat, none of the annoyance he felt on the inside showing on the surface.

“I’ll call him, sorry Take-san,” Kenma murmured as he pulled out his phone. His hands shook as he pulled out his phone, the little rock charm Kuroo gave him tinkling. He moved to dial Kuroo’s number, when Taketora cut him off with an excited shout.

“Kenma he’s here-” Kenma’s head snapped up, “-and he brought a girl!” Kenma rolled his eyes as he looked up at them, Take-san was much too girl crazy and Kuroo was about to get the berating of his life-

The world stopped again.

She was wearing Kuroo’s sweater.

He wanted to lash out at her, take the sweater back, yell that it was his sweater, not hers. Wanted to yell at Kuroo, for taking back his sweater for some pretty girl. But instead of doing all the things he wanted to do, Kenma stayed silent.

“Sorry I was late Kenma,” Kuroo apologised, “this is Takahashi Hayami, she transferred to Nekoma today, so I thought I’d show her around, I forgot to text you. Hayami, this is my friend Kozume Kenma, and our volleyball clubmate, Yamamoto Taketora.”

Kenma nodded numbly. Hayami was a nice name. It suited her, she was indeed a rare and unusual beauty. She was mixed it seemed, she had almond shaped bright blue eyes, and light brown, almost blonde, hair, with a small and pretty nose and wide defined cheekbones.

“It’s nice to meet you Takahashi-senpai!” Taketora yelled. Kenma nodded, mumbling out a less enthusiastic version of Taketora’s words.

God, please be bitchy so I can hate you.

The beauty instead smiled and held out her hand, “please call me Hayami!” She gushed as she shook Kenma’s hand enthusiastically, “Kuroo said you had The Legend of Zelda, and I was hoping I could play with you!”

Ah fuck, of course she had to be nice.

* * *

As it turned out, Hayami was an amazing player. Much better than Kuroo. She let out a cheer as they completed the level, throwing her arms around Kenma with a loud whoop of joy. Taketora moved to select the next level. From the bed, Kuroo let out an unhappy whine of how he felt left out because he was a shitty gamer. The three ignored him.

“Oh! Uh is it okay if…” Hayami trailed off, hesitating, twisting her fingers together, “can I come and hang out with you all again? I don’t really know anyone and I haven’t been able to make friends yet and my dad I don’t know its been hard and I’m sorry if I’m intruding-”

Kenma wanted to tell her no, tell her that she could piss off. He didn’t like change, didn’t like new people coming into his space and that she already seemed to be stealing Kuroo from him and that she should be satisfied with that, but then Hayami continued and-

“-I don’t really know anyone and I haven’t been able to make friends yet and my dad and mom have been so busy I don’t know it's just been hard and I’m sorry if I’m intruding-”

God, Kenma knew that feeling. Feeling like you don’t fit in, like a mismatched puzzle piece. Like a fish out of water, fumbling and struggling and never fitting in.

“You can join us,” Kenma muttered. “It must be hard to move from another country and not know anyone.”

“Thank you Kenma!” Hayami hugged him, and he could feel the wetness of her tears on his skin through his shirt. “Ah! Sorry! I keep forgetting I’m not supposed to use first names-”

“It’s fine, you can call me Kenma.”

“Then you can call me Hayami!”

Kuroo let out a cackle from the bed, “Awww are the lovebirds forgetting about the rest of us?” Kenma could sense the jealousy behind his words.

Hayami let out a laugh, “it’s okay Tetsurou! You’re still my favourite, you offered me your sweater when I forgot mine after all!”

The odd tension from Kuroo left as soon as the words left Hayami’s mouth, the two of them beginning to play fight on the bed, their laughter leaving Kenma and Taketora feeling like they were intruding on something.

Kenma glanced out the window.

The snow had begun to fall. Winter was here.

* * *

It was the start of summer, when Kuroo and Hayami announced that they had started dating. It wasn’t a shock to Kenma, the winter season had been spent with Kenma feeling like a complete outsider. It had been a season of Kenma wearing his own sweater, seeing Hayami in Kuroo’s. Having Kuroo’s arms wrapped around her shoulder, whispering things into her ear while Kenma trailed a little ways behind them.

“I’m happy,” he spat out the lie, watching as Hayami and Kuroo’s faces lit up, the former letting go of her boyfriend’s hand to throw her arms around Kenma, her light hair floated like a halo around Kenma, and he was reminded of Taketora’s words.

_You look like Sadoko._

_You’re a ghost._

_You’re invisible to everyone Kenma Kozume._

_Kuroo will stop hanging out with you. No one will ever see you because you’re a ghost and you’re going to fade into the background and disappear and no one will care no one likes you why do you even try-_

“I have to go,” he stammered out, pushing Hayami off, “I’ll let you go on whatever date you want to go on, I need to go home,” he muttered. “Kenma-” Kuroo started, no doubt about to invite Kenma on their happy heterosexual date, where Kenma would once again be reminded that he stuck out like thorn in a bed of roses.

He was shaking, clasping the still hot electric shaver. Black and blond hair lay in tufts around him, hacked away with scissors, before being attacked with a shaver. The leftover bleach was starting to stink up the toilet. He glanced at his reflection.

His hair was now blond, and the bottom half of his hair was shaved off in an undercut. He reached up to run his fingers through wet and damaged hair. He grimaced. It felt gummy.

But at least he wasn’t a ghost anymore. He would be seen.

He fell sick the next day.

“Fuck.” He grumbled, miserable under the covers. He turned over, gripping his phone, taking a quick glance at it. 

_One message from Kuroo._

**Kuroo:**

**You good? Hear you were sick.**

**Kenma:**

**yes i’m sick. sorry for texting late, you coming over?**

**Kuroo:**

**Nah, Hayami and I are going out on a date later. Sorry. I hope you get well soon though.**

Kuroo had never not visited him when he was sick.

Kenma pulled the covers up, and let himself cry.

* * *

College was weird.

You’d think it would be the peak of your life, getting independent, enjoying yourself studying something of your choice, knowing where you wanted to go, dating, parties and having fun.

Instead, Kenma was currently lying on his couch with Kuroo Tetsurou, the man he had been in love with since he was twelve, eating popcorn and cup noodles, a movie playing.

“This is so dumb,” Kenma grumbled, “you just drowned Tokyo!” He yelled, booing and throwing the popcorn remnants at the television screen, where they hit the surface and fell lamely to the floor.

“Stop it Kenma! It’s romantic okay! He did it for her!” Kuroo attempted, trying to reason with the younger.

“Love is dumb.”

“That’s just because you’ve never been in love Kenma!”

Ouch.

“And you are?” Kenma retorted, although he knew it was a low blow.

The honeymoon phase for Kuroo and Hayami hadn’t lasted long, and the two had since started going through on and off periods of dating and extremely bad fights, where Kenma had to listen to both sides. 

If that was love, maybe Kenma was better off not in a relationship.

“So Kenma what do you think?”

“Does it matter? You never take my advice anyway.”

“You’re horrible Kenma!” Kuroo whined as Kenma glanced at his phone.

_Six messages from Hayami._

**Hayami:**

**Is Kuroo at your place??**

**Kenma??**

**Tell him he can’t ignore me forever.**

**Tell him I hate him and that I’ll throw his stuff out.**

**He blocked me!**

**I’m sorry god I’m sorry you’re always getting caught up in our fights**

Kenma’s lip curled up, getting caught up in their fights was an understatement. He was practically a personal relationship therapist, who fixed their relationship and helped smooth over their disagreements, each and every time.

And when you happened to be in love with Kuroo Tetsurou and friends with his girlfriend, you happened to remember every fight they had.

Their first fight had been over how they weren’t spending enough time together.

The next had been about how Kuroo felt left out when Kenma and Hayami gamed together.

More about time.

Something about how Kuroo wasn’t opening up enough.

Going to different colleges.

Lack of affection.

Time.

And now, how things just didn’t seem to be working out anymore.

And every single time, Kenma was there, placing bandaids over the cracks in their relationship, trying to help his friends hold their relationship together.

He glanced at his Kuroo again before typing out a response.

**Kenma:**

**dont worry, i’ll talk to him and convince him to go back.**

“Kuroo,” Kenma called softly. Kuroo let out a grumble, glancing up at him. Kenma switched off the television. “You need to go back to her.”

The words felt like stones in his mouth, like he was grinding rocks with his molars, grinding his teeth down to the gums.

“You can’t avoid her forever and I don’t say this often but, I think you two really need to talk,” the words were spilling out now, “I can’t help fix all your problems for you. I’ve already watched a movie with you and let you cry. And I’ve given you my thoughts. The rest is up to you.”

Kuroo watched him with those catlike eyes, unmoving.

“Thanks Kenma.”

In spite of himself, Kenma smiled, “go fix things.”

“YEAH!” Kuroo jumped up, “thank you Kenma,” he breathed out, giving him a one handed hug, one that sent Kenma’s heart into frantic stutters and his breath whooshing.

Kenma shook his hair out, “no problem-” he began, looking up to smile at his friend as he let go. 

But Kuroo was already gone.

**Kenma:**

**he’s on his way. love you both hope you two sort it out.**

**Hayami:**

**Thanks Kenma.**

Kenma threw his phone on the bed, flopping back, holding the palms of his hands to his eyes, trying to press the burn of tears back. God Kuroo was so fucking selfish sometimes it hurt.

It wasn’t that Kuroo didn’t care, he knew that, but sometimes it felt like Kuroo thought he was a second choice, or just someone to go along, someone he could use.

Kenma felt like a ghost, drifting away, weightless on the cool spring breeze. 

He dug his nails into his skin, the force leaving little half moon indents in the soft skin. Maybe he should go game a little to clear his head. Maybe stream? Yeah he should.

Gaming helped Kenma calm down, it was easy to hide behind a character. And it was nice to get validation from fans who oo-ed and ahh-ed whenever he took down a character.

Tonight was no different.

_“Woah Kodzuken is a beast!!”_

_“They’re undefeated!”_

_“Kodzuken will you ever do a face reveal??”_

_“LOOK AT THAT COMBO HOLY SHITTTT!”_

_Kenma unmuted his mic, muttering a soft “thanks for the support,” before muting the mic again and going back to beating the shit out of NoobKiller69._

_“WBSJXBDJVCJFV THEIR VOICEEEEEEE!!!!”_

_“Your voice is so cute as always Kodzu!”_

Yeah gaming and streaming really was a huge ego boost for him. He continued scrolling, taking down monsters. As he started losing himself in the game, the words began to blur.

_You dealt 101 damage points!_

_40 damage points taken!_

_Combo hit!_

Just as Kenma was about to land a final hit, the door clicked open, “Kenma!” Kuroo’s voice was slurring, tripping over his own words. Was he drunk? Okay he had to end the stream, “Kuroo wait let me end my stream!” He called out.

Hurriedly, he tapped the unmute button, “a friend just came over, so I have to end it here.” He slammed the end button, turning around to face Kuroo.

“Kenma,” Kuroo’s arms were suddenly around him, “we broke up. For real this time. She said she couldn’t do it anymore Kenma.” Kuroo let out a sniff, “well I don’t care, she’s never there for me when I need her.”

Never there when he needed her? So he just came to Kenma?

Kenma’s heart felt like it was going to squeeze out of his chest, some unknown emotion that had been building up over the course of a decade bubbling up to the surface, threatening to spill over, like a kettle filled with too much water.

“Can I stayover tonight? I think I need it-” Kuroo paused to think, before continuing softly “I need you.”

The water was boiling now, about to spill over, bubbling and raging.

“Kuroo you’re so selfish,” the words left his mouth before he even had time to think about it, coming out louder than he intended them to. Kuroo froze, looking up at him, slightly wounded, even through his drunken haze.

 _What are you doing?_ His brain screamed at him, every cell in his body begged for Kenma to open his arms to let Kuroo find solace in him.

“Kitten?” Kuroo’s expression was tentative, afraid, Kenma rarely snapped at him.

The kettle whistled and the hot water spilled over and out the brim.

“Stop it Kuroo! Just stop fucking talking, how can you say that in front of me?” The words were spilling out of his mouth, frustration, anger, pain, hurt, years of repressing his feelings rising to the surface and spilling out and over. “Do you think I don’t have feelings?” 

“Kenma I don’t get it-”

Kenma wanted to scream and shout, push Kuroo and slap sense into him, How could he be so incredibly dense? So selfish?

“God fucking damn it Kuroo Tetsurou I’m in love with you,” Kenma was crying now, the ugly monster of his emotions rearing it’s head, looking for sun after being shut away in a dark place.

He could stop now. He could still take it back. Say it was a bad joke or something.

“I’ve been in love with you since we were kids, ever since you put me in your _stupid sweater_ and gave me that _stupid rock grinder_ and called me pretty in that _stupid shop_ but all you ever do is take me for granted!” The weight of the confession cut through the air like a knife and with it, any chance of them returning to normalcy.

“You’re in love with-”

“All you ever do is come to me for help and I thought I was content and I think I’m fine, to stay by your side but god Kuroo,” Kenma looked up at him, he was shaking now, voice garbled and choked by tears that he was trying and failing to hold the tears back. 

“Did it really take something that’s been a long time coming to tell me that you need me?” Kenma couldn’t even look at Kuroo, pressing his palms over his eyes harshly causing brightly-coloured pin pricks of light to dance across his darkened vision. Kenma could vaguely recall a summer memory of when Kuroo and him were fourteen, and Kuroo had explained it was a visual phenomenon called phosphenes, generated by the retina after stimulation.

“Kenma I’m-”

“I know I’m a second choice Kuroo, I just wish you’d make it less obvious,” Kenma pulled his palms down, shoving them into his pockets and pressing little half moons into his palms with his nails. 

“I just wish,” he said softly, “you wouldn’t make me feel like I’m a ghost.”

“You don’t have to go back,” Kenma said softly, holding up a hand to stop Kuroo from speaking. “You can take the couch, I’ll sleep on my bed.” He walked out, “good night Kuroo. I’m sorry about this.”

It was unclear whether he was apologising for the breakup or the messy confession. Either way, both had been a long time coming.

Kuroo Tetsurou was currently staring up at the ceiling, laying on his back in his best friend’s house. The moment was replaying in his head over and over, Kenma pressing his hands to his face whilst crying and telling Kuroo that he’d been in love with him since they were kids.

Kuroo knew that he was into men, well, in fact he was into Kenma at some point, he meant it when he said he thought Kenma was the prettiest person he’d ever met. The thought that Kenma returned his feelings was well… insane.

But that wasn’t to say he didn’t care about Hayami or that he didn’t love her. Hayami was, and still is, and would probably continue to be one of the most important figures in his life. She had been a lot of firsts and she’d always hold a special place in his heart. He didn’t think he could ever regret her. He thought about her words to him before they had ended things for good.

_“Kuroo, I think we need to stop pretending,” she had said softly, “you’re a good friend but I just don’t think we’re right for each other anymore. Neither of our hearts have been in this for a while now.”_

The words had felt like a slap to the face, probably because she had been right. Neither of them really expected it to work out in the long run, they’d jumped into it pretty fast, never really stopped to think about things. And over the years, they’d both become very different people, with very different goals.

It wasn’t a bad thing, Kuroo thought, it just meant that as partners, they were unlikely to work out.

But did he return Kenma’s feelings?

He had to figure it out before saying anything, he couldn’t afford to hurt Kenma any more than he already had. He’d never seen Kenma cry like that before.

What was there to like about Kodzume Kenma?

Kodzume Kenma had the prettiest emotions Kuroo had ever seen. It was a weird way to say it, but even though Kenma never really verbalized his emotions, it showed in the way he acted. When he had followed Kuroo to that science fair and had run back out into the rainy street to grab Kuroo’s “stupid science toy” as Kenma had put it when they were twelve. Kenma didn’t see the value in it, but he had run back to get it, for Kuroo.

The way that Kenma always watched horror movies with Kuroo, even when he didn’t find them interesting. 

The way that Kenma had always opened his apartment for Kuroo when he needed it, when he had a fight, when he needed the support, when he wanted to hang out. Even now, Kenma had opened his apartment for Kuroo.

The way that Kema had always just been there for Kuroo.

Kenma’s presence was something that had just always been there. In every memory Kuroo could think of, Kenma was always there, Kenma was his best friend, and Kuroo wanted him to stay in his life forever.

But that didn’t mean he was in love with Kenma did it?

Perhaps he just wanted to be friends with Kenma forever, and they could have their own respective partners maybe Kenma could get with that orange haired shrimp-

Something sharp in Kuroo’s heart twisted. 

Hinata wasn’t good enough for Kenma, he decided. What about Yaku perhaps? His heart twisted again.

He ran through the list of possible Kenma boyfriend candidates in his head, and each time, his heart felt uncomfortable, like it was shrinking in on itself and twisting and contorting.

Oh holy mother of god. 

Kuroo Tetsurou was in love with Kenma Kozume.

Shitttt.

Fuckkkk.

Oh my god what was he supposed to do? When had this happened?

Turning around such that his face was in his pillow, Kuroo let out a muffled scream, kicking his legs like a schoolgirl.

“KUROO!” The door to Kenma’s room slammed open, the man himself appearing at the door in nothing but an oversized shirt and cat print boxers that had been a gag gift from Kuroo. The feeling of soft fondness that rushed through Kuroo’s body was euphoria, starlight and joy in its purest form.

“The neighbours will complain if you don’t shut up,” he reprimanded gently. Kuroo tried his best not to let his feelings show on his face, but when you’ve been best friends for over half your life, you can’t really hide how you’re feeling. Kenma’s face changed, from slight shock to sudden shyness, to a frown, and then to resolution.

“Kenma-” Kuroo began, pushing himself up to walk over.

“We’ll talk about it in the morning,” Kenma said, “and by the way Kuroo,” the blond glanced down at Kuroo’s pants, “you might want to fix your problem.”

“Fuck!” He cursed loudly, yanking his shirt down over the visible tent. It looked like the euphoria of seeing Kenma in tiny little cat print boxers and messy hair after his newfound revelation had decided to manifest itself in more ways than one.

Breakfast was simple, cereal and milk. “If you want something fancy make it yourself,” was Kenma’s favourite line to use. 

“I’m in love with you,” Kuroo blurted out as Kenma pushed the milk over to him. Kenma startled, nearly knocking over the milk carton.

“Oh wow,” Kenma said aloud, “I- well- I wasn’t expecting that.”

There was silence.

“I figured it out last night. I just, I want you to be in my life forever Kenma,” the words were spilling and slipping out, scrambling and desperate as Kenma watched his best friend stumble over his words. “I’m selfish, you’re right, and I don’t want you to be with anyone else but me.”

Kenma’s face was blank, still surprised, “I need time Kuroo. You can’t just push this on me and expect me to be okay with it,” he said, although his voice was soft, his words were firm. It was a declaration, Kenma Kozume would not let himself be a second choice anymore, he was no longer a ghost.

“And you just got out of a relationship Kuroo, we both need the time,” Kenma finished. Softly, Kenma reached across the table, “but, when we’re both ready,” he interlinked their fingers, “after all, we have all the time in the world. Like you said, no one else but you right?”

Kuroo laugh was loud and harsh, and familiar, it was music to Kenma’s ears, “yeah,” the taller man nodded. “Kenma can I kiss you?”

And in Kenma’s tiny kitchen, in the season of the cherry blossoms, two young men shared a kiss that had been a long time coming over bowls of cereal. Kenma spared a glance over Kuroo’s shoulder at the clear blue sky as he broke away from the kiss.

Spring, at long last, had finally come.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey!! It's me again! This took me over two months to write, and it was such a labor of love. as I mentioned in the beginning I love Kenma and Kuroo so much and I wanted to write for them for forever. It really sucked when I fell into my episode and I thought I wouldn't be able to finish it. But somehow I managed to pull it together and finish it, I think I really just wanted to do it for Kuroken because they deserved their happy ending.
> 
> Special thanks to Mint, for beta-reading and supporting me through the process. To my sunshine, who asked me what was coming and cheered my story ideas on and bashed the shit out of Kuroo for being selfish. The strangers on Omegle that I consulted while I was going through serious story blocks on how to end it in a way that would be perfect for them. And to you, dear reader, for making it all the way to the end of their story. I hope you get to have a nice kiss in spring with the person you love romantically, or to simply enjoy the company with people you want to spend the rest of your life with.
> 
> If you'd like to find me on Twitter, you can find me [here](https://twitter.com/xingnyan)
> 
> We can be mutuals! Feel free to DM me I'm nice I swear. Once again, thank you so much for reading and I hoped you liked following Kuroken from their nostalgic joy filled start, to a not so great middle, and finally to their happy beginning.
> 
> With love,  
> Yun.
> 
> P.S. kudos and comments are very appreciated, they brighten up my day.


End file.
